I recently learned of the Grief Support Network in Boulder, Colorado. “Grief Support Network (GSN) is a non-profit, community–based organization that offers a new and positive perspective on the process of healing from grief and loss…a network of wellness providers who share the belief that all people have the power to transform themselves through their grief when they are given enough support, guidance and time to do so.” Their goal is to connect individuals and families with “services and programs that will support them to heal and move forward in their lives.”
GSN was founded in 2012 by Wendy Black Stern after the loss of her first born child, Noah, at nine months of age. The following poem about grief was written by Wendy and I want to share it with you because anyone coping with the loss of a loved one whether it be a child, parent, grandparent, sibling, spouse, dog, cat or friend can relate to Wendy’s heartfelt poem. Please share these beautiful words with all who may find comfort in them.
The Gift of Grief
by Wendy Black Stern
“Grief is unpredictable. She has no container or form to follow. She rises violently to the surface, has her way with you, and then rolls back out to sea again. You never know when she is going to overcome you. And, even once you think that you have released every drop, every tear squeezed from your body, she shows her ugly head and rages some more.
Her pain persistently pokes at your heart. Like a patient stream, she wears you down and makes you vulnerable, drunk with the nectar of numbness. Your pain screams at you to move, do something… but you stand there still, frozen in time.
To avoid her is to feed the flames of her wrath. To run faster, do more or become invisible is to give her more power. The only way that she will release her grip is to surrender to her mercy and let her move. She will move through you if you let her. She wants to be noticed. To be felt in your bones and pulsed through your blood. She breaks down barriers and draws the debris of lifetimes of sorrow with her as she courses on. With the tide, she rises and falls until you reach the peak of agony and at last, Let Go… This is her duty. This is why she has come.
In the moment that she flows out of you, all else seizes to exist. Convulsions of sorrow, every pain you have even known moves through your pores and returns to the source of everything. A moment of nothingness. A stillness that is not frozen but wildly alive and raw with primal vigor. Something is born in this instant, a freedom, a potential, and another grief is born with it; your innocence is gone and you will never be the same, but Grief has a gift to leave behind.
Call it peace…stillness…a oneness with life …everything becomes clear in this instant as if you had known it all along. Not a word or a thought, but a feeling that embodies the whispers of your Soul. As if waking up from a long slumber, suddenly you see. Your life fits together, and even if just for a blink, you are separate from the Story of your pain and filled with every wisdom that is birthed out of suffering.
She will have her way with you, until she is done. She will move through you if you let her. She is your Teacher…
Your Friend…
Enemy…
and the Executioner of Ignorance.
She is the Transformer of the Spirit and the Usher of Change.
There is no force in the universe like her… She demands complete Trust… Surrender … and if you let her, she will make you better than you ever thought you could be. Authentic – full of heart… you see yourself now…. Fully awake… life comes clearer into focus. Simple pleasures breathed in like the music of your daughter’s voice – something bubbles up from the shadows. Love takes over, everything expands … You are…
Resilient…
Connected…
Grateful…
Filled with love…
And happy to be Alive.”
